Do you sometimes have the feeling that you are being transported back to a time that you thought having overcome? At the moment I feel like this: Go to school again – this time the school of life.
So, back to the start…
Most things are new, old “answers” to routines no longer work, new skills are required and knowledge about them lags behind. God ist laughing about my claim to perfection, and the feeling that “everything is going far too sloooowly” will not and not go away. The body is not used to the new work and protests (actually only new muscles are formed and stretching would be good idea ;-)), tiredness of the mind and of the flesh.
And the list of “to-dos” doesn’t seem to be getting any less.
OK – that’s the starting point. Yes, there are times when I enjoy myself sinking into self-pity and heartily regret – these times are short and are good for my ego. So what! I chose this way with all of my heart! And then there is this urge to research back again and new things are soooo interesting.
Yes, I have a child-like mind: curiosity, fearlessness, wanting to try things out, find solutions and see mistakes as a learning opportunity and move on. Pretty little princess plops on her back, stands up, straightens the crown, has torn tights with open knees, laughs all over her face and keeps walking on.
I see myself again as that little girl who spent hours with colored pencils scribbling over millions of blank sheets of paper and at some point the idea, I wanted to express, was recognizable on the paper and I was very proud. It was similar with the Lego bricks and my dream houses … just lost in space and time with full concentration on the creative process.
And that’s exactly where I find myself again – discovering new things, reading into the matter, comparing with existing knowledge (wondering what I know or don’t know about the topics), discussing possible solutions with Christian (trying to find a common language – yes, yes, a challenge even after more than 20 years of a wonderful marriage ;-)) and developing solutions, implement them, be satisfied with the result or – back to the start.
It’s a lot of fun to be back in the childhood experience: Staring holes in the air again, recognizing cloud images, looking at the starry sky forever, feeling the wind with all your senses (including the heat ;-)) – and trusting that everything is right and good.
The brain develops – the famous gray matter that makes us think, enables solutions and creative processes. Step out of the usual rut, allow alternatives and establish connections. A wonderful dementia prophylaxis that also benefits the ship and of course us 🙂
And give it time – that is advice we are getting more and more often to hear from far more experienced seafarers. “Take your time and enjoy this journey, you will regret it later if you have made hasty decisions, did not do things that you wanted to do differently. You have time, use it by enjoying it and doing everything you really want! ”. Finish with the old so that you can fully embrace the new. – Phew! Easier said than done, but the benevolent encouragement of the experienced gives confidence and courage to go step by step and very consciously appreciate these sometimes very small movements. We are now seeing how projects are completed – suddenly, almost unexpectedly. Christian and I then look at each other in astonishment, “What? Already finished?”. In the middle of the way, I often have the feeling that I can no longer see the aim – and when it is there: amazement and joy.
Being on this journey is something very special. We get to know new people from all over the world, spend time in nice evening groups, discuss life, the different perspectives, the sea, the opportunities that arise and this lifestyle.
Oh, and now I have to hurry, we have guests today who will celebrate the naming of our freespirit with us and come by for a glass of prosecco with snacks.
Until next time!